You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
