1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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