he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
