i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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