oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
