bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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