my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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