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Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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