I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
