me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
