I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
