My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
