hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
