It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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