ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize