You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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