I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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