So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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