By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
