Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
