try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
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You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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