but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
