I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
why do cheetos always look like penises
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
