I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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