her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
