oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize