I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
