Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
