you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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