If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
