I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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