I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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