Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
