some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
