um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
