Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
