I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
