its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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