A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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