I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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