Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
