Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
