My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
