i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My hand turned me down
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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