Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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