theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
