I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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