Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
