I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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