Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
