This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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