the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
