don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
