girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
