the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My ass is underappreciated
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
