All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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