I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
