so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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