My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
