He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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