I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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