Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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