yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Quick, to the slutcave!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
