I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
