I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
