She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
