you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
