I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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