that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
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It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
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I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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