I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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