I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
PANTIES FOUND
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