Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
