OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
