I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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