Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
